A certain green-stemmed bandit wreaked havoc in our house last night, and I’m not referring to any environmentalist group zealots, rather a culprit in the form of broccoli. Yes, what was formally one of my favorite servings of the essential greens also pickled Jude Lei’s digestive system so badly that he howled like a banshee for hours on end. Much to my embarrassment, I was warned by Grandma June that broccoli is likely to upset the sensitive workings of a newborn tummy, but I ignored her warnings and stubbornly downed the greens at dinner.
Matt and I alternated holding and attempting to relieve him of the pain until around 11 when I took over full time. Each time I set him down in his bassinet following an episode of inconsolable shrieking, I’d close my stinging eyes for a few moments before the inevitable explosions on par with those released during the 4th of July resonated from my son’s diaper.
With each sonic boom, Jude Lei arched his back in agony, his face turning a crimson hue, hands clenched in little fists, legs kicking furiously. I frantically read my baby book and wrote down a list of items I can no longer eat if I ever want to get an ounce of sleep again in life: cauliflower, onions, tomatoes, pizza and green pepper. Then, I posted the items on the fridge, as so to never forget in the midst of an eating binge. I also swore to never forget Grandma’s advice...
Only after Chris came over around 2 in search of a couch to crash on did Jude Lei at last surrender to his captor, gas, and fell into an exhausted slumber. I did the same and for the bulk of today I’ve forgotten topics of conversation mid-sentence and I even drove up to the wrong side of the gas pump despite owning my car for three years. Sleep deprivation is tough since there’s no real way to catch up since he eats every two to three hours or so.
Luckily, the broccoli digested and for the majority of the day Jude Lei was a happy, cherubic babe. Dr. Glassman pronounced him healthy after weighing in at an impressive 8.8 lbs (thanks trusty boob juice).
The doctor also explained how to massage the clogged eye-duct responsible for the excess goo collecting at the corner of Jude Lei’s eyes.
Striking a pose, Dr. Glassman, Jude Lei and Grandma smiled for pictures once the visit commenced. I promised to bring copies next visit. Undoubtedly, Dr. Glassman will add them to the collection of paper towel pieces patients have written messages on taped up on the cabinet doors like scout badges of honor.
Tonight, when Matt was changing Jude Lei into pajamas, his umbilical cord “fell” off a.k.a. Matt picked at it. A repulsive rotten cheese aroma emanated from the area and it also bled a bit. There’s still a part left in the middle, like a cork, which I suppose indicates he’ll be an outie. Either way, I can’t believe some parents would want to save the piece of umbilical cord. I’m much more content to cut a few pieces of hair rather than a mummified, stinky stump. Yuck.
We also tried out the bouncer from Aunt Lori. Jude Lei is able to focus a lot more, despite his going cross-eyed frequently and Dr. Glassman suggested having him look at various spinning objects while in the crib. We took it a step further and stuck him in the bouncer to gaze at the slightly scary Barney-esque octopus and other sea critters. I think he enjoyed it or at least liked the motion.
Not to be too graphic, but I’ve graduated from Bam-Bam status (loss of bladder control is one of the lovely side-effects of pushing out a 9 lb + baby…Laurel, please thank your mom!) to a much more refined state. Now, Matt doesn’t have to buy adult Depends and infant swaddlers when he stops at CVS. Big moment in time.
Well, I’m delirious with exhaustion so that’s all for now folks.