This blog is dedicated to my son, Jude Lei Daniels, and all the friends and family who are anxious to hear of his progress while forced to endure my yarns about how great he is. In all seriousness, Jude Lei has family extending from the whirlwind metropolitan city of Pawling, NY to the west coast and even in Europe. We are also fortunate enough to have friends hailing from not only across the USA but also Columbia, Argentina, Thailand and England whose love and support has gotten us through Jude Lei’s first week. I figured a blog would be an easy way for everyone to stay in touch and be informed of the whereabouts of Mr. Jude.
Anyhow, Jude was born on January 2nd at 10:56 p.m. following a total of eighteen hours of labor. With the aid of an epidural administered by a pseudo-flamboyant anesthesiologist who clearly had a crush on Matt, the process of my cervix dilating was a piece of cake, but the last three hours of pushing can only be likened to a car accident in the most vulnerable region of one’s body. I’ll spare the details, but it was physically the most excruciatingly painful and exhausting event of my life and yet the most rewarding. Matt kept reminding me to think of biking up the mountains in Thailand, when my calves would be aching, and I would be tempted to just quit, how I had to keep chugging along in spite of the pain.
The doctor had anticipated I would be delivering a 7.5 lb baby, however, we were all surprised when a 9 lb, 3 ounce giant immerged from my body! I guess it helped explain my 60 lb weight gain where I felt like a bloated tick for the last few weeks. Since Jude was stuck under my pelvic bone in the birth canal for three hours, he had to be whisked off to the neonatal nursery where his stealthy grandmother snapped a few illicit pictures of the baby being checked out and cleaned up.
At that point, I passed out as the doctor sewed me up and I only remember coming to when Matt’s family came into the room and Emma gave me a huge hug. The rest of the evening is Swiss-cheese like because I have trouble recalling specifics, but I do remember feeding Jude Lei and experiencing overwhelming emotions of awe, shock and sheer adoration of my son. It just felt so unbelievable that this baby, with his frog belly, tiny toes and long fingers had just been inside of my belly hours before. That first night in the hospital I stared at him for hours as he slept, bundled up and peaceful.
During pregnancy, I cognitively knew a baby was growing inside, but after nine months of swelling up there’s a part of you that sort of denies the fact that an actual child will be delivered. I think that I got so caught up in the changing of my body that I just couldn’t fathom my son truly materializing. Needless to say, the euphoric shock still hasn’t commenced.
Many friends have asked, “So, how does it feel to be a mom?” and to answer such a question would be likened to having an alien say, “How does it feel to be a human being?” Not only is it indescribable, but it goes beyond any emotion I’ve ever experienced. I thought I knew the power of love before Jude Lei was born, but this transcends every single notion I once held.
It’s the kind of love and feeling where without a moment’s hesitation you would die a thousand horrible, bloody deaths to spare him. Although reproduction and having children is such a basic, instinctual event that most people experience in their lifetime, it, in my opinion, is the most phenomenal and humbling experience one will ever have.
We stayed in the hospital for two days and by the second day we were eager to leave. A few nurses were really outstanding, but for the most part they were inconsistent and disorganized. On the second night, Jude Lei stayed with me the entire time after his circumcision only to have the nurse in the morning burst into the room, confused and befuddled then relieved when she saw him. Apparently the night nurse neglected to inform her the baby was with me!
On the way back home, Matt drove his dad’s SUV about ten miles an hour. At one point after a car swerved into the granny lane where we were, I suggested hitting the hazard lights so cars would get out of our way. Instead, we inched home, all the meanwhile I kept my finger close to Jude Lei’s nose in fear he would stop breathing. I guess you could say I was slightly neurotic.
When we got home I was in a great deal of discomfort to say the least. By then, the adrenaline had subsided and exhaustion along with searing pain took its place. I was still high with excitement and amazement, but the influx of family and visitors took its toll that night when I tried nursing a screaming Jude Lei for nearly four hours. Naively, I had assumed that breast feeding would be pretty self-explanatory: baby + breast = eat. Instead, I soon learned that the baby has to “latch on” in a certain way in order to get down to business, plus your milk doesn’t come in for a few days so the baby just eats this stuff called colostrum, which contains antibodies without much substance. Luckily, Grandma Sus and Aunt Meg were staying with us and they literally saved the day when I was on the brink of tears not knowing what to do.
Undeterred by a recent emergency operation a week ago, Grandma Janet visited on Saturday following the removal of her stomach staples. Aunt Lori, who accompanied Grandma to Connecticut from Virginia, teared up seeing Grandma with her great-grandson. It was truly touching watching her holding him and just knowing how loved he is by both sides of the family. Matt joked that he definitely knows where I get my strong-willed nature (a.k.a stubbornness) from since nothing can stop Grandma from doing what she wants. I felt so proud to show him off to my grandma and her visit meant the world to me.
On Monday, Grandma Susan and I brought baby Jude Lei to his first pediatrician appointment with Dr. Glassman, a quirky rendition of a character straight from a Dr. Seuss book (in her words, not mine) with his big, rounded glasses, turtle-like neck and methodical way of speaking. Grandma Sus and I exchanged glances and giggles as he finger-plucked on the computer then drew diagrams on the disposable paper covering the examination table. I was alarmed to learn that my 9 lb babe had lost a substantial amount of weight to a measly 7 lbs 13 ounces.
Feeling guilty and adept at nourishing my son, I found myself crying and being hugged by Grandma Sus who reassured me it was normal until my milk comes in. Dr. Glassman wrote on his prescription pad, “Keep up the good work Jude!” then told me to bring him in next week and that I shouldn’t be concerned.
Enough about my emotional state and more about Jude…he smiles intermittently and once my milk came in, he has proven himself to be a great eater (definitely a Pralle…we don’t discriminate when it comes to food!). His ears, toes and fingers are all Matt while his facial features reminds me of when my brothers Andrew and William were babies. We celebrated his one-week “birthday” by singing (actually Matt sang while I videotaped) and opening a present from a family friend. I sobbed, kissing Jude Lei, not wanting to miss a moment in his life and imaging him growing up. Ryan Palmer, his godmother, wrote a really cute song for him, too. Here is an excerpt from the email she sent:
Anyway, I was writing to say happy 1 week birthday to Mr Jude. I wrote him a song (sing to the hey jude rhythm):
Hey Jude- it's your 1 week birthday.
Drink some yummy milk and get fatter.
Remember you are so darn cute and one day you will be bigger, bigger, bigger, bigger!!
Na,na,na,na,na,na,na- Na,na,na,na- Hey Jude
Happy happy happy happy 1 week birthday!
From his little oinking noises when he’s hungry to his facial expressions, I find myself enjoying every moment. Even waking up every few hours in the night isn’t a burden, but rather an opportunity to bond with my son as we listen to The Beatles while he nurses or just kissing and loving him.
100% boy, two days ago, Jude Lei peed on his own face, which had me in stitches and yesterday he farted so loudly that even the dog was startled! In many ways, I’m thankful for a boy especially thinking about my mother, Leilar Ann, whom he is named for, since she missed out on raising my brothers. Not in a creepy Ghost/Whoopie Goldberg way, rather a more spiritual notion, I feel as though I love him through her because she never had the opportunity to be a mom to them.
Sometimes I’m in disbelief that he’s really my baby. I called Dr. Glassman yesterday in a panic because he (the baby not Glassman) hadn’t pooped in three days. His response to my frantic call was to ask, “Is the baby in pain?” I answered that I didn’t think so. He then told me something I’ll never forget: “You are his mother. It’s your job to protect him and if you think he’s OK then he’ll be fine. Trust your instincts. You know best.” Sure enough, an hour later a big poop awaited me in Jude Lei’s diaper.
In terms of the future and whatnot, aside from health and happiness, I hope to instill a respect in Jude Lei for other people, cultures, etc. In an increasingly intolerant world, I hope he embraces others’ differences instead of fearing them. Selfishly, I’d be thrilled if Jude Lei shares my interest in traveling, animals and reading. Matt would love it if he were excited by films and participated in sports like baseball and basketball. For the time being, I’m content to study the contours of Jude Lei’s plump cheeks, make his hair into a Mohawk, and watch how his fingers coil around one of mine. The human heart truly knows no limits.
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