To wean or not to wean: That is no longer a question.
I’m surprised by how stress-free the weaning process has been. When we returned from London two weeks ago I began supplementing formula at regular feedings. At first, as expected, my melons swelled up, angry and bloated as though protesting against my plans. Within two days, however, my body had readjusted itself to stop producing milk at those times. After a week and a half I cut breast feedings to just twice a day and now BB makes an appearance solely once the sun has gone down to help Jude fall asleep. My initial fears were that a breast infection would ensue, but I have come to realize that with a more gradual approach my body quickly catches on. With the wedding weekend I went from feeding six times a day to pumping a few times sporadically, resulting in breast engorgement.
Since cutting out breast milk and introducing solids, Jude gained one pound in two weeks. The pediatrician confirmed this fact as Jude tore apart the office, his busy hands pulling at the paper covering the table in the examining room last week.
Sometimes I muse, “Such a big boy, sitting up in his high-chair, eagerly inhaling spoonfuls of the latest fruit and veggie concoction I make, when just six months ago he was utterly helpless and incommunicative except when screaming, pooping or sucking.”
Now, I can easily distinguish between a deafening “Don’t leave me alone” scream, the whiny “I’m exhausted and crabby” scream and the most common, defiant “Feed me now, woman!” scream. There’s even the recently added, “I’m constipated and red-faced” howl.
Even though formula definitely has downsides, such as the cost, I’m happy to report that I’ve been losing more weight, perhaps because I’m less hungry. Indeed, it’s amazing to me that after over a year of my body helping to support another life it’s going to be all mine again. For me, six and a half months of breastfeeding was the perfect amount of time because it allowed bonding between us but didn’t go on too long…especially with Jude’s protruding teeth!
Jude is also able to sit up on his own, although he does still totter backwards if his head tilts too far to gaze at something above him. Even though there are no discernable words yet, Jude can make sounds like, “ba-ba-ba-ba” that nicely compliments “wa-wa-wa-wa-wa.” He grins when Matt and I copy him as though the three of us are privy to the secret world of wa-wa’s and ba-ba’s.
One thing I haven’t written about much is the impact of a baby on a relationship. In all honestly, Matt and I give of ourselves to a great degree, both emotionally and physically, to Jude that by the end of the day we’re cranky and hostile with each other. When Jude is awake, much of our time is spent enjoying him or relaying funny stories about the baby when one of us is absent. However, when we should be relaxing after Jude is asleep, we end up fighting.
Maybe it’s different with other women, but with me I know that I need to have a life outside the house in order to keep my sanity. There are days that go by when I wonder, “Is this what I went to college for? Diapers, laundry, dishes…”
I’m feeling much more confident about actively searching for a job now that Jude is not breastfeeding. In fact, we’re both looking in Portland, Oregon, a decision that came about after the trip to Europe. Matt and I sat down and had a few serious discussions about what our next step should be since we’re no longer restricted by circumstance and now have the ability to find a place that best suits our needs. For a few days we thought about going overseas again, but ultimately with a baby, it would prove to be a hassle.
We each wrote down a list of attributes we would ideally like to see in a location. My list went something like this: “A place where people are laid-back, plenty of outdoor activities year-round within the proximity of a city that has excellent public transportation, opportunities to meet other young families, affordable cost of living, good job availability and schools.”
After comparing our lists, we compiled a list of eight US cities and started researching. One by one, we crossed them off as they did not meet some of our important requirements e.g. Oakland, CA has one of the highest crime levels in the country, we would need a car in Boulder, CO and we would have to send Jude to private school in San Francisco, not to mention we would both have to work full-time to afford an apartment.
By the end, Portland was the lone survivor and the more research we’ve done, including talking with people who live in Portland, the more confident we are of the decision to follow the Oregon trail. According to the Moon handbook, “Portland is known as one of the nation’s most livable cities… with trails connected to Forest Park, the nation’s largest urban forested park, with over 70 miles of trails.” It also mentions that “the city’s easy-going and quirky spirit make Portland feel like a much smaller town…currently the West Coast destination for ‘young creatives’…plenty of high-tech business ventures, top-notch cultural institutions, likely the best mass transit in America…Portland is more a city that you explore for its way of life.”
Sold.
Ideally, if Matt found a well-paying job, I could either work or study part-time so Jude would only be in daycare for half of the day. If both Matt and I were in better places in regards to jobs, I am confident that our relationship would improve. There’s no such thing as a perfect place, a perfect relationship or even a perfect baby (although Jude is pretty damn close), but I finally feel like we have the ability to start doing something about enhancing our situation and ultimately our relationship.